Cake

An Ordinary Day

2011-01-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

If there were a theme to my writing, my life, my philosophy, it would be that each day has the opportunity to be fantastic. Of course, the pessimist might say it could be awful, but that doesn't fit in with my attitude. Still, with the horrific events around the world and shootings too close to home, some days seem just a bit harder to smile.

Among other current reads, I am lost in a wonderful book by Katrina Kenison, The Gift of an Ordinary Day. More than Kenison's memoir, it is the story of her family. She shares from the heart her worries about choices for the children, moves away from the home they have known for so long, and the loss of her perfect job due to cost cutting. And through all of it there is a sense of hope. Among the people she meets is a mystical, hopeful woman, eQuinamati, who may best be described as chicken soup for the soul. When eQuinamati is stricken with illness, Kenison is reminded daily that even at her worst moments she can give to her friend. This function of giving may just give more to herself. So, even on my my most high stress day I am reminded that I could be in a much worse place. More importantly, I remember the value of giving. This past year, the giving mostly focused on being a shoulder for family and friends. This year, my eldest and I will be volunteering and looking for the opportunities to help another and by turn help ourselves to appreciate just an ordinary day.

Thank you to From Left to Write

2011-01-09T12:12:00.000-08:00

I read once that Oprah keeps a grateful journal, where she marks down three or four things she is grateful for each day. I don't do this formally, who has time, but each day my children and I make sure to thank someone else for something they have done in our lives or be thankful for something. Some days I am simply happy that I have two beautiful, healthy daughters. After reading Cherries in Winter, I was reminded of the good fortune we all have now in comparison to our great grandmothers living in the depression.

Today, I want to thank the community of bloggers From Left to Write. I am fortunate to not only be a member of this wonderful book club, but to have been the recipients of their stories. When they took time to reflect on Take the Cake, the quick little book I put together last Spring, they shared generously with their own stories and inspiration. So, thank you to an amazing community for keeping me as part of yours.

1.1.11 - The year of fun

2011-01-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

1.1.11

I wouldn’t say I grew up in a fun household – a caring and loving house, but not a fun one. My parents are pretty serious. We talked philosophy, went to school, were kept busy with activities and studied hard. We traveled. I actually can’t remember things we did on the weekends. In fact, just outrageously giggly sessions seem to be completely absent. We just weren’t silly.

And today, nothing has changed. There are many words to describe me, but fun isn’t necessarily one of them. This is not to say I don’t like having fun, I just hardly can remember what fun, silly, outrageous is. And I don’t think it is the kids, because I don’t really think I was that fun before. I am in fact hard working, focused, ambitious, caring, happy, adventurous, and world-conscious. I am not fun. I am also self-conscious at times, shy, opinionated, and stubborn (or determined if you prefer but let’s be honest with ourselves.)

I am not one of those set resolutions kind of person. I do goals, when I feel goals need to be set (see above characteristics – focused, ambitious, hard working.) Last year when we got to the beginning of the year, I declared it the year of me. I had spent the previous years having children, taking care of my hubby, building a business, and working endless hours volunteering in the nonprofit sector. I could barely find myself in all the other stuff I did. I decided to reclaim me with little things like running again daily and treating myself to a trip to the spa. Then I wrote a book, a dream of mine. And maybe in the biggest change of events, I gave my dreams first. I uprooted my family and moved them 300 miles away so I could start my PhD. The year of “me” was a very good year for me and everyone else. Because ultimately when I found me again, I was a much happier person. And a smiling me was definitely better for all those around me.

And now another year has gone by, and I am very happy, But I realized last night as I watched the ball drop in New York City and all the revelers, that I wanted to be out doing something fun like that. I mean, my kids would be doing that. Not only was I sitting watching people celebrate on TV, uggh!, but I was doing it in my parents’ house (long story there.) The fact that we were all together was comforting, but not really fun. In fact, I had been thinking this “not fun” thought for awhile now. So, right then and there I declared that we would make 2011 the year of fun. What that means, I have no idea. The organized, focused person in me says we will do “one fun thing a week.” Doesn’t that sound boring? But I have to start somewhere. I mean, let’s face it, I have been out of the fun business for awhile, if I was ever in it. So, what will that fun thing be this week? Not sure. Maybe a ride on a cable car, or a walk across the golden gate bridge, or …It seems like it should be more exciting then that, but again, I have to start somewhere.

5 ways to push my sanity

2010-10-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

So despite being a big believer in work life balance, the past 10 weeks have pushed me almost over the edge. Among the top 5 items close to driving me insane:

1. Moved my family (my daughter asks me daily when we are going back)
2. Started homeschooling both children (read about that decision on onthegifted)
3. My hubby left his job and launched a startup (kulikuli)
4. Taking my company national while trying to sell the first location
5. Oh yeah, and my first book came out this month.

And I'll be honest, I have not been doing my balanced to do list. In fact, I'm barely keeping a to do list at all which is probably why I feel so chaotic. And unlike previous high stress moments in my life, I'm actually preserving me. Granted I can't remember the last time I went to the spa or had a cocoa and read a book, but I'm running every day and taking care of high priority goals in my life. What I'm not doing is focusing on kids during kid time or have a date with my hubby. The balance remains a work in progress. One I'm happy to continue. Tomorrow I head to the museum with the kids. The phone will be staying home. It's their time. Time with hubby...still working on it.

Take the Cake: Officially Available online

2010-10-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

Part Zen with a no nonsense attitude, Take the Cake delivers the goods for working women to have our cake and eat it, too. It's never too late to live the life you want!

Best known for founding Cubes&Crayons, M.F. Chapman’s unique solution to lend a hand to those who find themselves singing lullabies on conference calls and reading case studies as bedtime stories, now the work-life balance maven is sharing her best tricks with other working moms in her first book Take the Cake: A Working Mom’s Guide to Grabbing a Slice of the Life You’ll Love.

Take the Cake takes on the challenge of being a modern working mom with solutions that tackle everything from where you want to be in five years to how to make the balanced to do list. Gain tips, employ exercises to get balanced today. Learn how to put the smart phone away, focus on goals even with daily demands and to find time for YOU. Take a moment to sit on the happy. Reflect about where you are and savor it just as you might a big piece of chocolate cake. It's yours to have. Grab a slice today.

Says Sarah Granger of SF Baystyle.com "well written and simply executed, this book serves as a reminder that it might not be as hard as we think to find and achieve balance as parents and producers in our hectic society." Lisa Truong co-founder of Help A Mother Out adds” M.F. sets up the scaffolding many of us need to start building the life we want to live. Take the Cake shares real stories and dishes out practical advice on how to set your long term goals and organize your daily life balancing work, family, community, and “me” time. I think I’ll have a slice!”

Campaign Spending: A Little Perspective

2010-10-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday California held it's primary election. Among the most notable of stories was the win by Meg Whitman, former CEO of eBay, for the Republican gubernatorial nomination. While much has been written about how she bought the election, which in many ways is true, I am pondering the $81 million she spent on this election. At the current rate of spending per voter, she would need to spend over $327 million leading up to the November vote, over $100 millionaire than John McCain spent running for President. For more on the spending, checkout Chris Kelly's article in the Huffington Post.
When I think about the ridiculous sums spent on campaigns, I get angry. And I look for a perspective on the situation.

If we took the $81 million already spent, just by Whitman and add $150 million which seems to be the consensus estimate of what she will spend up to November, we get $231 million.

$231 million spent just in the education system represents:

4010 additional teachers in our schools OR
$755 more spent per student OR
6,000+ additional library staff OR
506,000+ more computers and technology available in classrooms OR
5,000+ specialists in schools for everything from reading and physical education to after school programs and support for the gifted.

And while Ms Whitman is an obvious target, the amount spent on campaigns across the country is atrocious. Especially when you think of other places the money could go: education, health care, jobs, small business loans, etc. I wonder if our politicians think about how their exorbitant spending reflects on them. Paying for a private jet and airport fees to fly what is a 33 mile drive could hire 2 of the estimated 100,000 teachers across the nation who are being laid off for the upcoming year. Why should we elect them to do anything when they don't really know how to budget well? Where do you wish the campaign funds went? How much should they be allowed to spend?

On My Soapbox Again

2010-10-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Those of you who come here often know that I get on my soap box about education frequently. That are education system is deplorable is hardly newsworthy. We know it's terrible and it is only going the wrong direction. Today I am especially angry about the lack of quality choices because it is almost June and I still have not found the right education environment for my highly gifted five year old. And when I say she is highly gifted this is not proud parent This is IQ testing and assessment by professionals to the point tgat i am now being advised on all the opportunities for gifted children

This not to say I haven't looked. I've exhausted the public and private option. One school was right, and of course, even my daughter said of all her school visits that was the one but they had a 100 qualified applicants for 10 spots and even less space as a girl. So she was tossed info the wait list pool to tread water. And so we wait. And what rankles me the most is that not only are there not enough spaces in these schools that cost upwards of $20k a year but also that I should have to turn to one of these programs because the school districts fail to provide quality programs themselves. After much discussion with her current teachers and an educational assessment team, I'm being told that most children with her gifts are hone schooled. Most recently a home schooled child was admitted not only to Harvard but numerous top tier schools. While this ultimately may be the direction we choose, I am angry that in order for my gifted and highly social child to soar I have to devise an educational plan at home and ultimately sacrifice social aspects.

Unbalanced: Making My Own Mistakes

2010-10-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

So those of you who read here often may just not have been reading here at all. Why? Well, because I have been what one could easily call negligent in posting new thoughts. I have them, lots. Some are even borderline brilliant but I haven't written them down. Among my top 3 excuses (not good ones):

1. My kids were on vacation for a week - I got out of my groove.
2. I'm finishing the book; I can't be bothered elsewhere, I might run out of interesting things
3. I'm moving.

Okay, so number 3 is a biggie, but none of them are true reasons. No, in the last three weeks I have ignored every one of my own work life balance tips. I have been unfocused- entering into time sinks of blogs, articles and email when I sat down to work. Having lots open unrelated to the project I was working on and clicking back and forth.

Playing Sudoku on my iPhone instead of writing ( I like to blame my husband for putting it on my phone, but that's just one more excuse). Listening to the daily show while working online (not one episode more like ten.). Actually trying to work without a to do list so that I was so overwhelmed by what needed to get done that u ended up doing nothing.

I didn't unplug, focus my time, organize my to dos, set aside time for me to do something just for me, or look at the big goals. And while at first it was fun and valuable to just take a break. By last weeks end I was feeling pretty lousy about where I was. So here I am back at Monday again. I have organized my to do list into quadrants, deleted my Sudoku app from my iPhone, and returned to where I want to be.

An hour and a half into my list I've already checked off three tasks, when I finish this it will be four. I feel like me again and like I can manage my balance. And if I can keep on track u look forward to lunch with a good friend on Friday and maybe even a little shopping after. It's going to be a great week.

It's Coming soon! 10.10.10

2010-09-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

Pre-order yours today. Get in the balance today.

Take the Cake: Take the Cake takes on the challenge of being a modern working mom with solutions that tackle everything from where you want to be in five years to how to make the balanced to do list. Gain tips, employ exercises to get balanced today. Learn how to put the smart phone away, focus on goals even with daily demands and to find time for YOU. Take a moment to sit on the happy. Reflect about where you are and savor it just as you might a big piece of chocolate cake. It's yours to have. Grab a slice today.

Part Zen with a no nonsense attitude, Take the Cake delivers the goods to have our cake and eat it, too. It's never too late to live the life you want. This is the first book from KuliKuli co-founder, M.F. Chapman. AVAILABLE 10.10.10. PREORDER YOURS TODAY AND SAVE 25% OFF THE COVER PRICE.

Eat Well: Blueberry Tart

2010-09-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

This tart is fresh blueberries, more fresh blueberries, a little sugar and a fresh tart dough. While the dough is rich, everything is so tasty so you can only eat a sliver and it is all full of goodness. Delicious end to a summer day:

Balance Tip: Fresh Air

2010-09-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

One year while visiting Paris, my now husband and I had terrible jet lag. At 3AM we were wide awake. By 4AM we were out running the streets of Paris. Cafe owners quietly swept the sidewalk in front of the champs d'Elysees while observing us with a suspicious eye. The aroma of fresh baked bread engulfed us. The Eiffel tower was breathtaking in the just barely glimmering early morning light. It was a breath of fresh air.

fresh air has become a true luxury. While reading email or talking on the phone as your taking a walk, I challenge you to go outside completely unattached to any electronic device. You don't have to walk, although doing so will give you the double bonus of getting exercise as well. There is something inherently relaxing about unplugging from the world even just for ten or fifteen minutes. Beyond enjoying the fresh smell of the world after a spring rain shower or seeing newborn ducklings playing in the stream, even in the center of a city you can notice sounds you might not have before.

Multi-Tasking is Inefficient

2010-09-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

I always said boys are terrible multi-taskers, as if this was a criticism And admittedly most of the men I know are not good at doing more than two things at once. As far as I can tell, they can barely have a conversation while drinking a cup of coffee some times. They also seem more relaxed about things overall, and these are high powered men, than their female counterparts. In 2005 Dr. Wilson did a multi-tasking study and found that your IQ drops 10 points while multitasking. And I have to think there us some wisdom here.

Let me be not the first to say this but certainly one to repeat it that multitasking is an inefficient way to use your time.

Do this little exercise:

Set the timer for 15 minutes
Open your email and favorite blog or social media outlet
Now set a task to do
Work on the task, but be sure to check your email and social media, too

Cone back here when the timer rings

How'd it go? Did you finish your task? How much time do you think you spent on "other" things? We are all busy and multitasking reigns supreme. Up to a year ago I was the self proclaimed queen of multitasking. I answered email while at the playground, tweeted in meetings, and worked on three projects simultaneously (aren't windows and tabs on the computer wonderful things?)

But I was tired and stressed and slower at completing tasks (refer back to Dr. Wislon's findings.) And I came to the conclusion that the constant shift of focus not only made it slow to check off tasks but also impossible to ever feel like I got a break. The only time I wasn't multitasking was while running or reading my book at night - I could never figure out how to read and do something else, thankfully.

And when I stopped checking my email every five minutes or working on multiple projects, I found nor only could I finish simple things like a blog post more quickly but also I felt much more relaxed. Now even though my to do list continues to grow, everything is given concentrated time. Whether it's a half hour to blog or ten minutes to check email u font do either while doing something else.

The Price of A Well-Rounded Child

2010-09-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

$100 - 4 weeks of art class
$40 - 4 week yoga class
$80 - 4 week piano lessons
$42 - 4 weeks of soccer class
$2250 - private school tuition.

The cost of the educated, well rounded child isn't cheap. And while it shouldn't be the current price tag seems exorbitant. And if you are me, take that and times it by 2 for my 2 children plus add in 8 weeks of half day summer camp at $400/week! Eeeek!

So as we look at this price tag and strategize how to pay for it. If we both work full time, we never see the kids plus we have to hire someone to watch them when we are not home or to drive them to activities. Or one of us works part time but after taxes won't quite cover the expenses so we just end up slowly burning money. Downsizing isn't really an option. Unlike the Atlanta family who could sell their mansion we live in an area where one salary covers living expenses for a modest 3bd 2ba in a safe neighborhood with sub par schools. Another approach would be to rent in a better school district, but frankly, the public school options are dismal all around and hardly seem worth the more expensive rent. So then option 3, home school. Definitely not an option that I had ever considered previously and even now the thought seems shaky. But it's a choice many highly educated individuals are making given the education options out there. And that is the saddest commentary yet on our schools. That home schooling and private school enrollment are near double where they were a year ago points to the lack of education being found in the existing system. And the price of education is only going up.

Eat Well: Chicken Gyros

2010-09-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

I love Mediterranean food in general and this is a great and easy meal which I pulled off Epicurious.com. Below is my personal version of it, but you can find the original here.

Ingredients

2 Cucumbers
1 c. Greek yogurt
2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, minced, divided
1 pint grape tomatoes, quartered
1/3 cup chopped flat-leaf parsley
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 rounded teaspoon dried oregano
1 (12-ounces) package naan bread (four 8-inch pieces)
1 lb. Chicken breast
Fresh Spinach

Preparation

Preheat broiler.

Peel and grate 1 cucumber, then squeeze it with your hands to remove excess water. Stir together with yogurt, 1 teaspoon lemon juice, and 1/4 teaspoon each of salt and pepper to make tsatsiki.

Cut remaining cucumber into 1/4-inch pieces and stir together with tomatoes, onion, parsley, remaining lemon juice, and 1/4 teaspoon each of salt and pepper to make salsa.

Gently simmer oil, oregano, rosemary, remaining garlic, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/8 teaspoon pepper in a small heavy saucepan 1 to 2 minutes. Grill chicken in strips. Toss chicken with garlic oil.

Heat bread, in a 4-sided sheet pan, covered with foil, 3 to 4 inches from broiler 3 minutes. Uncover and broil, rotating bread for even coloring, until golden in spots, about 2 minutes.

Spread some of tsatsiki on warm bread and top with chicken and some of lettuce and salsa. Serve remaining lettuce, salsa, and tsatsiki on the side.

5 Ways to Balance Today

2010-09-07T20:52:00.000-07:00

Whether you are working mom, entrepreneur, or student, we are all working on that thing called balance. We are juggling relationships, work, family, community outreach i.e. volunteering, household maintenance and maybe, just, maybe a little self in there.

So if you are juggling and more balls are dropping than stating in the air, here's 5 quick tips for getting it all done with less stress:

1. 10 minutes a day - do something totally for yourself 10 minutes a day. Whether it is 10 minutes of sun salutations, reading a book, sitting in the fresh air, whatever. Take 10 minutes just for you with no obligation to anyone or anything else (and no doing laundry or something else on your to-do list doesn't count.)

2. Get organized - set up a weekly task list, make it manageable and for a week. Less than a week makes you crazy setting up lists, and more than a week is overwhelming. If you must do more than a week, set tasks for next week or the week after in a different list so you don't see so many items at the same time.

3. Enlist help - the most successful people know how to delegate. They trust others to be able to accomplish things. Ask others to share the load in tasks such as household items. Or if it is something you must or want to do yourself and need time, ask someone else to wash the dishes, play with the kids, etc.

4. Drop the guilt - we always have more to do than can easily get done, so stop feeling guilty about what you are not doing this moment. Sure you could be working on that sales report instead of sitting at lunch with friends, but where is the fun in that. The sales report will be there when you get back. Instead, sit back and enjoy the moment your in.

5. Avoid the multitasking.

2010-09-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

An article in the Huffington post last year highlighted success stories in our public school system with a focus on increased achievement in test scores. Certainly it would appear that an increase in test scores correlates to success. Thinkers in the progressive school of thought denounce such "achievements". They argue and I agree that success is measured by learning and student engagement not by standardized tests. In fact testing is counterproductive to progressive education assessment.

Progressives would look to the successes of places like The MET high school in Rhode Island where students engage in applied learning of concepts, real life assessment and student centered learning. I won't spend too much time here explaining progressive education. Wikipedia has a great page on it's philosophy, history and criticisms related to it. I urge you to take a moment to read up if you are interested.

In terms of "success" the increase in testing demonstrates that we can train teachers to train kids to follow a set of rules for responding to questions. It does nothing to reassure us that these children can think for themselves, retain a role in education (the high school drop out rate hovers between 9 and 10%), or gain the skills needed for success in the workforce. No matter what we say and believe about the love for learning the ultimate measure of success in our current society is the ability to enter and contribute to the work force.
So this test measurement of success makes me wonder. In Montessori education students exhibit mastery before moving on to the next level. They must complete a "job" three times with no help and then they are ready for new lessons. At the MET, 98% of students graduate and 89% go onto college. Their success is not measured in SAT scores. In fairness they are one of many successes and obviously a different assessment would need to hold true for lower grades.
Ultimately though it all comes down to the number of people who graduate from college? Do we include trade schools? The role of assessment in our schools has taken the foreground in front of all else and to deny a hard look at the assessment tools at what we truly learn from them is ludicrous.

Finally, challenging the status quo in Education

2010-08-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

The recent decision by Michelle Rhee to fire more than several teachers from Washington DC public school system was met with much controversy. But I say, it’s about time. As a former teacher and current parent, I am appalled at the standard we set for the most valuable job around.

We are asking teachers to do one of the hardest jobs there is – to educate our future leaders and workers. This job, while vastly underpaid (more on that another day), should not be one that is done for two years and hten receives a lifetime appointment regardless of future performance. Teachers need to be held accountable for the work they do in their classroom. They need to stay challenged and guide our children to better learning and those who can’t shouldn’t just stay around when new teachers are begging for jobs and eager to transform our future generation. I only wish more decision makers had the guts to make a real change.

Balance Tip: Be in the Moment

2010-08-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

Let me start with, yes, this sounds very zen and yes, I'll give credit to my hilarious yoga teacher, Jeff, who reminds us many times during a yoga practice to be there. Of course, most of the time we are in some wacky, contorted position that we can't think of anything else but hoe to be there. And to clarify, I don't take the chanting, earthy yoga. Nothing wrong with it, just not my particular flavor of yoga. No, I prefer yoga tune up - an athletic yoga that gives you that kind of workout you can be dote for days after wards while giving me the strength, stretch and yes, relaxation I need. And this BE THERE mantra is such a key to work-life balance that I'm stealing it (with full admission) from yoga and applying it to a little work life balance.

So be In the moment applies to broader balance in that when you are juggling a zillion projects you are always always neglecting something. You are playing with your kids instead of writing that article. You are checking email while half listening to your friend over coffee. You are writing a marketing plan while your child I'd reading aloud to you. We are busy people in a busy world trying to have it all. And frankly, this always on the go pace I'd exhausting and not really that fun. Instead of trying to do it all at the same moment, be in one moment. If you are with your kids, be with your kids. If you are working, go work and don't pretend you should do that while you are with your kids. Get a babysitter if you have to. It's fair to you and fair to your kids and when you are in each moment you are happier, more focused and more efficient so that you are ready for that next moment.

Eat Well: Tomato Basil Tart

2010-08-21T20:49:00.000-07:00

So, I LOVE to cook and in our house we do kind of quick gourmet, because frankly that is what is realistic with two small children, who by the way love to cook as well. My next business will probably be a bakery/cafe. My husband and I already have a name picked out. Recently, I started tweeting about recipes we were preparing and people started asking for them. So, while by no means is this a "foodie" blog, I am happy to share some of our favorites.
The tomato tart below is just one of many versions I have made. In season, I recommend heirloom tomatoes as they add a rich flavor. You can soak them in some dipping oil for a few minutes toss them on a tart shell (homemade, of course) and sprinkle some basil and kalamata olives on top. Bake and then crumble a little goat cheese. I have also made one with an egg filling which is great for a brunch and is almost like a thin quiche. Drop me a comment if you need more ideas.
INGREDIENTS:

2 - 3 medium to large red tomatoes (you can use Roma if you prefer the flavor)
7 - inch tart dough (choose your favorite recipe, my favorite is a cream cheese/butter pastry dough)
4 - 5 leaves of basil
1/4 cup kalamata or other small olive, pitted
1/2 cup Ricotta cheese
1/4 cup gruyere or asiago cheese, grated
Sprinkle of pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350. Prepare the tart dough and prebake for about 15 minutes. Slice the tomatoes thinly. Slice the basil leaves in chiffenade style. Mix ricotta, basil, and grated cheese in a bowl. Spread with a spatula over the tart. Layer the tomatoes thinly in a circle on top. Arrange the olives. Sprinkle with pepper. Bake for 20 - 25 minutes or until tomatoes are soft. Serve warm or room temperature. Great with a tossed salad and some fresh pears or strawberries on the side.

Not News Really: Failing Schools

2010-08-18T20:36:00.000-07:00

The fact that our education system is failing us does not come as a shock to anyone, or it shouldn't. Funding is tied to test scores, so curriculum becomes focused on test preparation. We are setting up to graduate a generation of people who can pass a series of standardized tests but they won't be able to think, problem solve, write a paragraph or innovate, so what are we producing?

While they are a few shining stars in both private and public education who seem able to focus on long term outcomes, they are the exception and it is a sad thought of the millions of children who will enter our school system.

As a parent, I feel cheated. I have paid into the tax system that funds these schools and happily, because education is our greatest resource. And now that I have a child ready to enter the system, and I am looking high and low for alternatives. The education saga continues...

A Little Project Management Making the Move Stress Free

2010-08-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Two weeks from now I'm moving 300 miles away from here and I am remarkably relaxed. It has been crazy summer days, and yet I feel good. When we finally made the decision to move, we made a long list of everything we needed to do to make it happen. From finding a new house and selling our old to little things like all the places that need a change of address and beyond. We included work relayed, house related and friends and family. We took the list and divided it up to sections for each week until the move and now each week we are simply checking off tasks just as we do on our normal to do list. Frustration has cdrveloped as things we had hopes to wrap up quickly didn't such as finding a new house (finally got one today, hooray!). And of course some open items we can't control and that adds stress (read that as buy my beautiful home today, please.). But all in all I feel netter than I have any otherove despite this time moving with two kids and having many more items on the list.
What I have learned is that dividing any big project into smallanageable weekly chinks makes it relatively stress free.
Being relatively stress free alloww me to enjoy the process.
While I will miss the Bay area, I am excited about our new adventure and relaxed enough to enjoy it.

The Ever Growing To Do List

2010-08-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

I admit, I don't really understand the words "you can't have it" or "we don't do it that way.". Not in a spoiled child kind of way but in a why not? I mean truly we shape the world we want for ourselves and hopefully the community around us.

Burger king used to run a marketing campaign with the slogan "have it your way", meaning you could have the order the way you wanted. Starbucks built entire brand around this. I mean, how many people do you know who just walk into Starbucks and have a coffee? No, it's tall triple shot half calf soy extra hot mocha or a decaf nonfat Carmel Machiatto with whip. Charm City Cakes (see photo) is highly skilled at creating the cake you want the way you want. In fact, they epitomize "you can have your cake and eat it, too."

So, when I am balancing work, life, kids, me, it never even occurs to me that I can't have it my way. Why can't I be successful in career and mommydom? Why aren't there more resources for me? Obviously, that's why I created Cubes&Crayons, but it goes beyond that. I love to hear of these innovative solutions from people who say "yes, you can have it your way". Among my favorites, not counting Cubes&Crayons are (in no particular order):

The mommy and me cafe - having coffee with friends is a much harder task during that window when kids are born to when they are going to school. Enter the cafe + play space where you can have coffee or lunch while your kids play. there are several people who have played with this model across the nation. In Oakland, check out Sadie days cafe or FamilyGrounds Cafe in Chicago.

Mommy & me workout - admittedly there aren't too many of these once your kid gets out of stroller age, but the basic gist is that you toss the kid in the stroller while you workout with a group of parents, using the stroller in your routine. A good, healthy and social solution to squeezing in that workout with baby in tow. One of my favorites: Stroller Strides founded by Lisa Druxman.

Coworking spaces: this is the flexible office space solution that is emerging across the globe. Basically, people drop in to the spaces or pay for a desk and have the water cooler effect of a community with the freedom to shape their work world the way they like. Check out the coworking wiki for a space in your neighborhood

And finally, I was saddened to hear of the Mani+Nanny business closing in San Francisco (where, yes, I could spoil myself for an afternoon while my kids played with staff and SomaVida Wellness center in Austin who recently closed their childcare. I definitely would have used that if there were one near me.

What's your favorite business that is letting consumers have it their way? Please share.

Take the Cake: A Teaser

2010-08-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

From Take the Cake: Grab a slice of the life you'll love

Piece-of-Cake-Web-_2_2-414x600

“What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.” -Baruch Spinoza

You are up at 5 am answering email and trying to finish one last report when your sleepy-eyed toddler with tousled hair sneaks in the office looking for you. “I want a mommy cuddle,” she says sweetly, and your heart melts. You scoop her into your arms. The remainder of the morning is devoted to reading, making breakfast, and shuffling the kids off to here there and everywhere. By the time you return to your laptop, you have forgotten what you were going to say and not sure you care anyway. Your shower was a race against the clock, and your hair is in a ponytail for the fourth day in a row because frankly that is all time allows for these days. You are on a whirlwind course and while you thought you could have it all - work, kids, and partner - you doubt seriously the hubris of your folly. Who were you kidding?

Education: We are Failing Ourselves

2010-08-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm angry. Furious, stand on my soapbox and ready to shout angry. I look at my tax dollars and never before have I been angrier than now. We are failing our future. The United States defense budget is currently $651.2 billion The united states to date has spent $977,448,134,511 on fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. At the same time we spent $157 Bilion on education. Less than the money spent on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Our education is our most valuable resource. It is our opportunity to build the people who will shape our future. And instead of spending real time and money to fund the disaster we currently call our education system, we are fighting wars in places we aren't wanted. Frankly when you have limited resources you need to prioritize and our priorities are completely out of whack. The recently passed health care bill provides better funding for student loans saving the taxpayers $8.6 billion. Yes, this is a good thing, but it is putting the cart before the horse. Funding for college is imperative but there aren't even enough spaces in the colleges we do have. The average student in a California state college now takes eight years to graduate primarily because they cannot get a space in the classes they need to complete degrees. Additionally many students aren't prepated for college coming put of high school so they are set up to fail. And it goes back and back and back.

When I taught English 2, a sophomore level class, the majority of my students were seniors taking it for the second and sometimes third time and STILL failing because they simply didn't have the ground work to succeed, and yet somehow we graduated them. And on the flip side you have extraordinarily gifted children who can't get in to top programs simply because there isn't space. It trickles all the way down to preschools filled with long waiting lists and private schools that charge $20,000/yr for kindergarten and are still turning qualified students away.

No, it is a sad state we are in. I know now why homeschooling is on the rise and people uproot their lives in search of better education. We are going to pay for many years to come for our ignorance.

A Lesson From Early Education

2010-08-14T20:41:00.000-07:00

The education crisis is not lost on me. In fact I think about it, research and problem solve daily. And I am smart enough to know that while I cannot by myself change the system, I can contribute to, educate on, and be part of am education revolution. Although o studied schools of thought back when I was doing masters degree, everything from progressive to Waldorf to charter and back again. And that brought me to thinking about the school my daughters attend, a small Montessori preschool with three mixed age classrooms. The Montessori method is controversial in itself and this not to advocate it in particular.

I have followed my older daughter there for two years and my younger one has been there about three months. They are in a 3-6 year old class with mixed socioeconomic backgrounds. I am most impressed that with a complete absence of grading and tests, the majority of the students are reading and adding by the age of five. The more advanced ones are doing division at four. They k ow where continents and countries are, and can speak on global warming. They are experimenting with magnetism. The universal norms in this methodology are student choice, mastery of concept, self-paced learning and strong student teacher relationships. These teachers work hard to develop bonds with these kids.

I have had the unique opportunity to be in the classroom as an observer. These kids are self-directed, happy. Comfortable sharing ideas and emotions with others and adults and embrace learning. And they are allowed to have off days where they achieve less. As we look to changing our system and more calls are made for assessment, there is learning to be done about successful learners. And my deepest sadness is that most of these kids are about to enter an educational system that will extinguish the foundation that was built.

2010-08-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

So I admit I am challenged, as you might be also, to saying yes to too many things and literally wanting to do it all. And consequentially my to do list grows ever longer. For every one thing I cross off, I seem to add two more things.
And sometimes when I look at this long, long, LONG list of tasks I am so overwhelmed that I kind of shut down. It's not so much that I do nothing it's more that I can't figure our where to start. Do you ever feel that way?
Then after a piece of dark chocolate (or well, maybe three or four), I look back at the list and slowly, maybe, tackle it. And once I get going I am usually fine.

But the big issue is the getting started on something overwhelming. I've used a couple of online apps and there are things I like -organizing by points in their value to my life is my favorite or color coding, but ultimately they still roll put as one long, long, LONG list. And pretty as they might be, the list of tasks still sits there, a long ticker tape

So recently, I started dividing it up in more of a goal setting fashion. I've set out my list of tasks for just this week instead of putting on everything I have to do going forward. Its like when you read an entertaining book and they give you all the recipes and decorations for a party and then break it up into two weeks before, 2 week before, the day before and day of the party. It definitely makes the project appear smaller , and really the illusion is appreciated. So here I go on my week at a time to do lists. My daughter's birthday is at the end of next week. There is lots to do, so I broke up planning, shopping, etc into two weeks and so far I seem on track for putting on a stress free event. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. How do you like to organize your tasks? Do you have a hood solution? Let me know.

Balance Tip: The Importance of Me

2010-08-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Recently I was interviewed by a writer for Redbook and as I was sharing my story the issue of balance came up. I spent two long doing too much for others and wasn't doing anything for me. "That's exactly how my last month was" she laughed.

We live in a go, go, go world where overextending ourselves can be a way of life. We give to our families, careers, nonprofit, friends, etc. It's a good thing and hopefully, our generosity is appreciated by most. But be wary for burnout is coming.

In the quest to have it all, we often forget the me. My to do list is divider into quadrants representing parts of my life, nonprofit, family, and work. But most importantly for my sanity is a quadrant just for me. On that side go items just for me... Run, yoga, facial, read a book, send in book proposal, eat well. These are personal goals for me and they are vital for two reasons: they keep me sane because I get time to do something for myself and two, they help keep me on track to long term goals that otherwise could easily get lost for days, months and even years as I ficus on others. This is not to say I don't value the other parts of my life- I love them. But losing yourself is easy to do, and giving myself a little nurturing makes me a better mom, boss, wife, friend and me. What will you do for yourself this week? Please share in the comments below and inspire others.

Not Our Parents' World

2010-08-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Maybe all generations come to this realization at some point, they probably do, but in recent months I am especially struck by the differences between challenges at raising my kids versus the challenges my parents faced. At the core the goals are the same: raising a happy, healthy and well educated child.

When I was little almost everyone I knew lived in a house they owned. Typically one parent did not work and that was affordable. Some could even afford to send their kids to private school. And if they could, there was a place for their child. This is not the case today, at least where I live.

Parents typically both work and many still cannot afford a house. Of those who can they must pay for childcare and/or private school because the school system that their taxes pay for is a wreck. The public schools get a grade of C and the private schools and A-, if you can get your child in. The school lunches are filled with highly processed foods and the time spent on teaching to and taking standardized tests eats into any actual learning that could be done.

While it seems there are more opportunities in classes, jobs, and education then ever before, there is also a scarcity of resources. Too many kids are qualified for the schools while there just aren't enough out there to provide a quality education. Competition has neve been stiffer. A recent report estimates that top tier schools such as Yale, Harvard, and Princeton accepted only 7% of applicants. I can only imagine what it will be like when my daughters are applying.

So with a scarcity of resources and a demand to work harder for those resources, I pause to wonder what it is all for and have we lost our goal or is it just a lottery no matter what you do. Are there a lucky few who work hard and get their kids on the golden path and will that path even make a difference? In the long run, probably not. At this point the elite is more elite than ever before and the opportunities for those in the middle are dwindling.

I am a problem solver by nature but this one might just too big to handle certainly it is not the world my parents raised me in.

Getting It Done In Less Time!

2010-08-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

Rachel Ray's 30 minute meal show on the Food Network is focused on multitasking so that you can make a home cooked meal in 30 minutes or left. One of her favorite tips is going to get ingredients in a large bowl and getting them all at the same time so you aren't going back and forth to the pantry and refrigerator. And when she needs onions for more than one dish she cuts them all at the same time so they are ready for the next round. Certainly not brain surgery, but cute little tips to help you get your food prep done faster. Essentially she is all about streamlining the work of cooking. When I had my first daughter, I joked about how I suddenly knew how to get things done in 15 minute blocks because I never knew when they were going to come or how long they would last, so I learned how to streamline everything from household tasks to work.

Without what I have learned I could never have achieved the work-life balance that I have. Despite running a start-up and chairing a fundraiser, I don't work 50 hour work weeks because I do want to have time with my kids. Otherwise what's it all for? So, now I streamline everything from email to snacks. I respond to emails at consistent times, know that certain types of work are to be done in the morning when I am most focused, and make sure that I always have my to do list in place so that when a 15 minute period of work opens up unexpectedly, I can crank out as much as possible. You have to streamline to achieve the work-life balance. And by the way, you have to stay away from time syncs like blogging, facebook, and twitter. I love them all, but those are my bonuses, not my work!

Balance Tip: Get Organized

2010-08-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

See if this rings even a little bit true:

5:00am – Turn off the alarm and turn over
5:05 am – Turn off the snooze and think about staying in the bed, but instead get up.
5:10am – Check email, grab yoga time
6:00am – Run
6:45am – Try to write press release before kid number one gets up; check email
again
7:00am – both kids up – make breakfast, brush hair, assemble lunches, get kids’ bag
together, get my bag together; wake up spouse. MAYBE play time with kids and
read one book together

8:00am – check email again, put kids in car, kiss spouse good bye, schedule meeting
for fundraiser I’m chairing, Oops – didn’t get to my hair/makeup, AGAIN, so hair in
ponytail, grab lipstick from my bag. That will be it for the day.
8:30am – Drop kid number one off at school
8:45am – Drop kid number two off at school #2
9:00am – Off to meeting
10:00am – Work/Write/Tweet….
2:00pm – pick up child #2 at school; 2:30 pick up child #1 at school
1:00 - 5:00pm - walk to bookstores to read and chat with our favorite staff there; outdoor play at home with ball, art class, soccer, yoga, sidewalk chalk and of course, bubbles
5:00pm - check fridge and list for what we are cooking for dinner; start prepping;
girls get down time with books and coloring and puzzles
6:00pm - family cooks dinner together and eats; bath time, more books, and finally
bed for the little ones
8:30pm - hop on laptop for 2 - 3 hours of solid work without interruption.
11:00pm - read (hopefully more than 2 pages before passing out.)

Rinse. Repeat.

Days, weeks and months can fly by while you quickly get lost in daily grind without getting to that point of balance. This is not to say you get to just put all the chores behind you but you can build an easy yet structured way to get the balance you do desire. This is what most days looked like in my life at one time. Where scheduling kid activities, working, checking email constantly, trying to keep up with social media, and trying to have it all created ultimate chaos. And maybe occasionally, doing something (at a reasonable time) for myself slipped in to the bottom of my to do list. The irony, of course, was that I started a company to achieve work-life balance for others and flipped my own work-life balance completely out of whack. Public relations executive and author, Terrie Williams, commented that for a long period “I was last on my to-do list. “

Working Mom: The danger of Having it All

2010-08-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

Person A has It all. Her dream job, a great spouse and the two kids she wanted. Plus she sits on the board of two nonprofits. She is what many women aspire to be. Mom, respected professional, loving spouse, community minded, and happy. Well for the most part. But at the same tome with all these forces pulling she can get lost in the fray. For her, a lot of her me time cones at work because she loves her work. But still a day with no phone calls, a child needing to be fed or changed or having a girls night out or just reading a book is a rare occurrence.

Person B has given up her job. She is totally in love with her three kids. Her hubby has a high powered 80 hour a week job and is a marathon runner who is always, always training or racing. She too is an active volunteer. She also is completely lacking in me time and is losing herself rapidly. She would like to go back to some of get passions, even professionally but also can't figure out how to do it.

Many modern women (and men) want to have it all. They want to work and kids and me time. Still in that life us short quest to do it all, giving up yourself becomes not just easy but even unnoticed. When is the last time there was an item solely devoted to you on your to do list - from something as simple as reading a book to getting a facial to going out with friends.

Women, especially fall into this trap and it can ne months or even years before they wake up on the morning and suddenly don't recognize themselves in the mirror. And while can't change things over night, declare a day or hour for you. Today I placed schedule a Pilates class on my list. I'm going Monday. I'll let you know how it goes.

Words To Live By

2010-08-07T20:26:00.000-07:00

BE FREE
FOCUS ON THE LONG TERM
DON'T CHASE THE MONEY

The Middle Ground

2010-08-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

Can you realistically spend time with your kids and have a career? Can you be a part time at both or do both ultimately suffer? Those who read my blog, know that I do advocate you can have it all. It is a notion that is challenged by the traditional workplace and the cynic I was interviewed by today. And then I came across another article demonstrating how many who are stuck in the middle can make it work.

The truth is that this "gray" area of trying to have it all is not easy from a practical point of view and from a community point of view. It is definitely the road less traveled. And it is day to day hard choices. You are working and feeling productive and then your infant wakes up from her nap or it is time to pick up the kids at school, and a part of you wishes you could just keep the momentum. On the flip side, you can be bonding and having a great time with the kids and you realize you have to rush off for a meeting. The kids' are sad and so are you, and a tiny piece of your heart breaks a little to disappoint them, even though you know in the big picture this moment won't so matter. There are many days like this where, as I am now, you have saved that extra time with your kids and are now up working late so you can play with them in the morning.

Beyond the day to day struggles are the change to your role in your community. On the career path, you are slowed or possibly stalled. Many decide to take their skills from their traditional job and become consultants, freelancers, or entrepreneurs. Not an easy path but a more realistic path to achieving that work-life balance. At best, you are calling your own shots, at least to some extent. And forget about finding a parents' group (or so I thought until recently, more on that some other time.) Either you are a stay at home mom or a working mom. Working moms don't have time for playdates and stay at home moms don't necessarily get why you can never come to playdates consistently. It's definitely a middle ground that's hard to achieve.

So, as an advocate of the middle ground and a person who has built an entire business that serves primarily this road less taken group, I can look at the daily struggles and the outside effects and still say it is all worth it. When my daughter is so happy that I picked her up from school and tells me about her "great day," I think I wouldn't miss it for the world. And at the same time, when I leave a business meeting knowing I have made a good deal that will benefit Cubes&Crayons and customers, I love that productive buzz. I couldn't possibly give up either, so I gladly hop on that bumpy road and invite the strong, fun and challenge driven individuals to join me.

Cake Final Book Cover

2010-05-10T11:14:00.000-07:00